The page on my website that consistently gets the most visitors is the blog called “Too Embarrassed for Sex Therapy?.” The stigma that sex therapy is embarrassing is out there, but it should not prevent you from receiving the help you need.
Why is sex therapy embarrassing?
First, sex is very personal, private and intimate, and so it seems like a strange thing to do to go talk with even a psychotherapist specializing in sex.
Second, American families don’t talk much about sex. Some don’t talk about it at all. If you’re lucky, you get a brief talk with your Mom or Dad, or you find a book about puberty and reproduction on your bed one day. You may be told how penis in vagina sex can create a baby, or give you a sexually transmitted disease – and to avoid sex because this can happen. Some give information about contraception and safe sex, and some teach that its just not ok to have sex till you are married.
Parents talk in detail about so many things in life. Think about how much guidance you got about doing well in school, learning about your religion, and being a good person. Parents discuss manners and politeness, kindness and consideration, teach you how to have friendships, and help steer you to college or a career. Think about how parents teach about managing your body: cleaning your ear wax, blowing your nose, brushing your teeth, bathing, managing your periods, driving, even peeing and pooping during potty training. There’s guidance everywhere except much about sex. The silence is deafening. Silence conveys to kids that sex is dirty, secret and shameful.
So people are left to figure it out for themselves. What does it mean to be a sexual person? Why do people have sex? How do you learn about your sexual self? What are reasonable expectations about sex? How do you know when you’re ready to have sex? What is the difference between true consent and sexual coercion? How can I enjoy sex if I don’t have a great body? What types of sexual activities feel right for me, and why?
So years later, when you have a sexual problem? You think you simply shouldn’t have a sexual problem! And that leaves you with shame and embarrassment and leads to avoiding and denying the problem. And that is why the page on being too embarrassed to come to sex therapy always has the most visitors. Its sad, because sexual problems are like any other problems. If you are willing to face it, and put some time and effort into working on it – it can get better!
Sex therapy is worth it
If sex is painful, if you or your partner have a low libido, if you are struggling with erectile dysfunction or another sexual issue, if you have concerns about your sexuality or mental health, or if you have another issue affecting your sexual life, sex therapy can help.
The benefits of sex therapy far outweigh the initial embarrassment that you might fear. Getting help for yourself, your relationship, and your ability to enjoy sex can have a positive impact on your life and your relationships.
For those unable to arrive to my office in Dallas, sex therapy services over the phone or internet can be arranged.
If you have thought that sex therapy is embarrassing but are struggling with a sexual issue yourself, I encourage you to reach out – call me or send me a message through the contact form and click Send.Please like and share this post!