Look at all the things that can go wrong for men. There’s the nothing-happening-at-all problem, the too-much-happening-too-soon problem, the dismal-droop-after-a-promising-beginning problem; there’s the size-doesn’t-matter-except-in-my-case problem, the failing-to-deliver-the- goods problem…and what do women have to worry about? A handful of cellulite? Join the club.. A spot of I-wonder-how-I-rank? Ditto.
-Nick Hornsby, High Fidelity
The connection between performance anxiety and low libido
While I don’t agree that women have nothing to worry about, I do think men are under a lot of pressure to make sex happen and to make it good. Sometimes performance anxiety is so intense, it shuts down a man’s libido entirely. It crushes his sexual self-esteem and makes him feel like he’s not a “real man.” Of course, this sexual shut down then brings up fears in his partner that they are not attractive or desirable. This then hurts the partner’s sexual self- esteem.
By the time they come in to see me for sex therapy, this has likely been going on for a long time. We’re talking years. They may have a great relationship in all other departments, but the lack of sex and intimacy has moved them farther and farther apart. Both feel a lack of hope that the problem can be fixed.
I help couples get back to the couple they once were – when they smiled lingering smiles at each other, touched often, enjoyed intimacy regularly, and had the aliveness of a couple in love.
Take the first step toward a better, healthier sex life
If you are struggling with your performance anxiety and low libido, reach out to Lauren Jordan, LCSW, CST for compassionate, effective therapy in Dallas, Texas. Call now to make an appointment, or just fill out the contact information and click Send.Please like and share this post!