Too many of us, especially women, miss out on sexual pleasure. Given what we were taught, is this so surprising? Often, parents and schools use fear tactics in an attempt to warn about the potentially serious ramifications of having sex. Too often, the message is – “Don’t have sex or you are bad, and will get into big trouble.” Rather than teaching us to be thoughtful and have rational discussions about what it means to have sex, we are taught to feel shameful about our own desire. No wonder so many women have little sexual desire. The good news is that you can get past the scare, shame, and fear. You can learn to enjoy sex.
Do you feel shut down sexually?
We continue to teach young adults about sex according to an unhelpful, and even harmful viewpoint of sex. How often does sex education focus on mutual pleasure and enjoyment and how often does it focus on just not having sex? Women are not even taught that the clitoris is the primary sexual organ for the female. How often were you taught about female pleasure? Did your early experiences mark you with the feeling that sex is not something to enjoy, but to give to your partner only to please him?
We are not empowering our students to value female pleasure in sex.
Though educators may believe themselves to be helping their students in the effort against unwanted pregnancies, the collateral damage has been enormous. Marriages are burdened with needless emotional pain from a lack of intimate connection. Indeed, fear and shame-based sex education can explain part of the orgasm gap (in which heterosexual men are two or three times more likely than heterosexual women to experience an orgasm). Our culture, including pornography, teaches men to expect pleasure and orgasm during sex, while the same is not true for women.
As the only formal sex education many women receive is in school, we are failing the young women of today. We are robbing them of a beneficial education that could be their best interest.
This causes so much pain in relationships.
Education is not destiny; sexual pleasure can be learned and claimed
Often, changes in our lives come when we empower ourselves. We gain education and job skills through conscious effort. The same can be true for pleasure in sex. You can change the way you and your partner experience pleasure in sexual encounters.
Women can experience as much sexual pleasure as men. When armed with the information, understanding, skills, and knowledge of your own body, you can take ownership of this significant area of your life. And, your partners can help you achieve greater pleasure. The men I see in my office want to please their partners, but many women tell me they don’t know what would please them sexually. Let me help you learn to fully enjoy connecting with your partner sexually. You will be glad that you did.
Putting the fun back in sex with Lauren Jordan
If you are having difficulty experiencing pleasure in sex, Treatment is available in Dallas with certified sex therapist Lauren Jordan, LCSW, CST. Call now to make an appointment, or just fill out the contact information and click Send.
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