“I don’t want sex with my partner. What is wrong with me?”
“I’d rather just masturbate.”
“When I think about initiating, I feel so much anxiety, that I just want to forget it.”
“My partner’s comments about my approach (or lack thereof) have left me feeling emasculated.”
These are comments I hear often from men in my office who come to me because their libidos are low. Or at least lower than their partners. They don’t know why they aren’t feeling it, and they feel tremendous pressure to make it happen. To take the lead. To be a “man”. After all, men are supposed to want sex all the time, and be in charge in the bedroom, right? Wrong!
Men are more like women than we like to think. Their libidos can be influenced by the tenor of their relationships, or their stress levels, or their body image, or by myths about male sexual performance that leave them feeling so inadequate, that they’d rather channel any sexual energy they have into masturbation.. There’s no performance anxiety with masturbation.
Sometimes when women say they want their men to take charge sexually, its because they haven’t explored and embraced their own sexuality. They don’t know what they want. And women get tons of sex negative messages, which impede this process. But this can put undue pressure on their male partners. Then, everyone loses.
Fortunately, I can work with these couples to develop realistic expectations of each other sexually, and in their relationship overall. I can help them find and embrace their sexuality and develop sexual confidence. And I can help them learn to let go of performance anxiety and find true intimacy. Because men want the connection and intimacy as well as the sex.Please like and share this post!