1. How does talking about sex help me with my sexual problems?
First, talking about sex with me helps you get more comfortable talking about sex with your partner. It is a way to practice what many think “should” be natural, but doesn’t feel quite that way. Many of my clients tell me that no one talked about sex in their families when they were growing up. Not talking about it can convey a message: sex is dirty.
Second, you may have unrealistic ideas about sex or just plain misconceptions that you are not aware of. Through talking with me, these things can come to light. Think of it as very personalized sex education – where you can ask ANY question without fear of being judged.
2. I’m afraid of hurting my partner’s feelings if I express some of my sexual needs. Could you help me with this?
Many people shy away from speaking directly to their partners in order to keep from hurting their feelings. I can help you get very clear about what you are wanting and needing from your partner, and then help you practice saying it. And of course we will work together to choose your words carefully. Most people would prefer to know what works well for their partner and what doesn’t. Couples need to think of this type of communication as “learning each other” – they can’t just know what their partner wants without some input.
3. How can I determine whether my problem is physical or emotional?
With any sexual issue, I would recommend that you get a full physical to rule out physical causes. Don’t forget to ask if any medications that you are taking could be responsible for your drop in desire, or difficulty achieving orgasms. That said, there is ALWAYS some emotional piece to a sexual problem. Ignoring the emotional piece can waste time and energy that could have been spent remedying the problem.
4. What if I’m just not sure that sec therapy is for me?
I would be happy to talk via phone with you for a free 25 minute consultation. The consultation is not therapy, but is a time to get a sense of how I work, and feel more comfortable making the decision to work with me. Wouldn’t you love to feel free of the guilt you are carrying around as you avoid sex? Wouldn’t you like to fully enjoy your lovemaking with your husband? This is what i do for my clients – I help them get to this point where sex is not “an issue” but is a natural and satisfying way of connecting to your partner.
5. I don’t know if I can convince my wife to come to see you, though I am willing. What other options are there besides sex therapy?
You can read it first, since you are the more interested party, then ask her at a quiet time if she will read it as well. Be calm and gentle with her, but let her know this is important for your marriage. There are exercises she can do, which you can then discuss. If you prefer the self-help route, try the many suggestions in the book – you may not think that you need a session with me after you’ve done this!
What are your fees?
My fee is $180 for a 45 minute session, or $240 for an hour. Longer sessions are available for couples who want to jump start their work on improving their sex lives. I take visa, master card, or checks.
Do you take insurance?
Because your privacy and confidentiality is of utmost importance to me, I do not accept insurance. You must have a mental health diagnosis for your insurance to cover your therapy. I am happy to give you receipts, which you can file for out of network reimbursement.