I work with so many couples who have good marriages. They tell me they love each other, are committed to each other, and are strong in every area – except sex. There are many factors that can affect your level of desire – and one of them is avoiding conflict.
Even in good marriages, disagreement will happen. The key is to have some good tools you can use to effectively manage that conflict. I keep saying that all couples need a Good Marriage 101 course – because most of us enter marriage thinking our love with be enough to get through anything. But if you don’t have any tools, you may not know what to do when a difference arises with your spouse . You may tell yourself that its not that big of a deal, and try to move on. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it can fester. If it festers, it can gradually kill your healthy libido. And you may not even be aware that it is occurring – or that it could be the reason for your desire falling away.
Often I can give couples some tools, which are simple, but effective, and can take the uneasiness out of bringing up a complaint or hurt feelings. Learning how to manage small conflicts can prevent them from building up over time. It can also give you both confidence that you will be able to handle any big issues that may come up.
Having conflict doesn’t have to mean that your marriage is falling apart – if you just have the tools to help you resolve them together.