It may surprise you to hear this, but an amazingly high number of people are not aroused during sex. For many men and women, being able to relax into a sexual experience is a rare occurrence.
Women often need more “transition time” – to shed their other roles and responsibilities and shift into being a sexually responsive wife. Depending upon how stressed and harried your life is, you may need at least an hour to unwind and leave your To-Do list behind. When the initiation of sex happens at 9 or 10 pm, this is not very likely to take place.
For both sexes, being able to focus on sensation and gently bring their minds back to the simple giving and receiving of pleasure, is easier said than done. Human minds wander – and if you’re not relaxed and very aroused, you may find it drifting to the unfinished chores or work projects you have. If you can gently remind yourself when this happens, to come back to the sensation, you can get back on track.
Taking adequate time for foreplay is also essential if you are going to get aroused. I often hear from clients that they skip over foreplay because they aren’t really feeling desire. When they do this, they make it nearly impossible to get aroused enough to have a satisfying sexual experience. “Get it over with sex” is a sure path to low arousal, no satisfaction, and only validates your low libido.
When you are very aroused, you won’t notice the dog barking outside, or find your mind straying to the treadmill of responsibilities in your life. You become very focused. You are feeling it – and it is great. It is worth the time, and the energy it takes to get there.