GOOD ENOUGH SEX
Think sex always has to be out of this world? Every encounter chock full of toe-curling orgasms? Then you are not alone – as this is one of the many burdensome expectations that our culture teaches us about sex. I mean, really! The pressure! As if couples today aren’t dealing with enough pressures in their life – we have to live up to this unrealistic idea too?
Barry McCarthy, a sex therapist in Washington, DC, has written about the concept of “Good Enough Sex” – which means, just that. If you take all the shoulds away, and just focus on giving and receiving pleasure for the wonderful closeness it can bring, it opens up many sexual windows. Even having an orgasm does not have to be the be-all and end-all of every sexual activity. A couple can have a good time in bed even if neither of them has an orgasm – if they have the right attitude about it. Think pleasure, not achievement.
For example, if a lower-desire partner is approached for sex by her spouse, the good enough sex plan might mean that she says “honey, I’m so tired, but I’d like to feel close to you. Could we cuddle for awhile til I feel a bit more rested, then just have oral sex tonight”? She would feel the option to pursue less than the ideal of sex – foreplay, oral sex, intercourse, afterplay – was a perfectly good option. Perhaps it would be less than in terms of time, or less than in terms of energy, but if a couple understands that good enough sex is still great for their relationship, and can be quite satisfying as well, the possibilities multiply.
