Could it be that your low libido is at least partially caused by your husband’s rapid ejaculation when you DO have sex?
I have found that some women with a very low libido realize that their difficulty started, or was exacerbated by their frustration with how long intercourse lasts. The average length of time that a man “lasts” during intercourse is 5-8 minutes, so if your husband ejaculates much sooner than that, this may be causing, or contributing to your lack of interest in sex. This can be especially true if you get more satisfaction, orgasms or not, from intercourse than other sexual activities, such as oral or manual sex.
Many people are surprised to learn that most men last only 5-8 minutes. Our society definitely inundates men with messages about being manly, virile, and a “stud” – and this can put a lot of pressure on men to “perform” sexually. Anxiety is not helpful to men or women in the bedroom – it can decrease your ability to be present in the moment, to fully feel the sensations, or it can make a man ejaculate too early. Porn can definitely give people unrealistic ideas about the length of intercourse – as well as the length of a man’s penis. What people don’t know is that porn can be airbrushed, edited, and camera-angled to make the average man feel inadequate in comparison.
If you think rapid ejaculation is influencing your libido ina negative way, make sure to do more of the outercourse before intercourse – let him fully please you with oral & manual sex before moving on to intercourse. Talk gently to him about wishing that that wonderful part of your lovemaking would last longer. Let him know that it works against your libido, and suggest that you both go to sex therapy together. I see many couples where his problem aisaffected by her problem, and vice versa.
Consider it “our” problem, don’t get into blaming, and be proactive about getting the guidance you need to turn things around.
