Today I read an article about the growing demand by women for cosmetic genital surgery – the most popular is called “Labiaplasty”. This is a procedure that will reshape a woman’s inner vaginal lips (labia).
Why would any woman WANT to have her genitals cut on and surgically altered?
Here’s why:
1. Our society teaches women (directly & indirectly) to fear and hate their genitals.
We are taught that they are dirty, nasty, smelly, & need special cleansing such as douches. We are taught not to touch them. We think that our labia are too long or uneven, or somehow misshapen and just not the way they should be – when there is a huge range of normal labia. So we don’t learn about our own bodies and sexual response. We become disconnected from our sexual selves.
2. When girls are growing up, they don’t often have the chance to see other girls’ genitals, so they don’t know what is normal. When women do see other women’s genitals, they are often via porn images, which are airbrushed, and/or chosen to meet a particular fantasy-type body.
I can’t tell you how many women have told me that they think their genitals are ugly and disgusting. If you feel this way, you may likely develop a low libido, as it will be difficult for you to truly enjoy your genitals. One way this plays out is that a woman won’t want to receive oral sex from her partner, which can be the surest way for a woman to have an orgasm. If you don’t enjoy sex much, your libido goes downhill.
I will not say that no woman should ever consider having a labiaplasty, but I think there are far less drastic measures a woman can take to begin to make peace with her genitals. This is one thing that I work with women on in my women’s groups, and individual sessions. We talk about how they feel about their genitals, so they can move towards appreciating their beauty and the incredibly wonderful sensations they offer. Yes, this can be done, but I think it requires a “COMMUNITY OF WOMEN” – a safe place to discuss fears and dislikes about our bodies, a place where encouragement and acceptance and gentle guidance is offered. I believe if we’d had this growing up, I wouldn’t be writing this blog today. If our mothers had received this, they would have been able to give it to us, but how can they give what they haven’t experienced, or don’t know? A Community of Women is what I offer in my groups, workshops, and sometimes just one to one with a woman in an individual session. Its a very healing, very powerful thing.
For more information on this subject, try reading my eBook: No Room For Sex: How To Boost Your Low Libido.
Why am I concerned about this growing trend for women to have surgeries such as labiaplasty? First, because there have got to be risks if you are cutting into a body part that is full of nerve endings – you may lose sensation in the quest for the perfect vagina. How does that possibly make sense? Because these surgeries are new, there is not a lot documented about the risks, and the article noted how those that haven’t been pleased with their surgeries aren’t quoted when doctors are advertising how much prettier you will feel. There have been reports of side effects such as painful intercourse, hypersensitivity, numbness, infections, adhesions and scarring, says Dr. Robert Roh, a New York gynecologist. Then there are those who just didn’t get the cosmetic results that they wanted – as can happen with any plastic surgery. And I don’t think women are being fully informed of the risks when they decide to have such surgeries, and this is not right.
