You probably think of sexual trauma, such as rape or incest when I mention the word trauma in relation to low libido. Certainly having experienced incest or rape can be a major event to work through if you want to enjoy your sex life. However, there are a number of types of traumas that can affect a woman’s libido, arousal and orgasmic ability, and may even be affecting yours, that you might never have considered.
INVASIVE MEDICAL PROCEDURES
If you had a lot of bladder problems as a child, such as chronic urinary tract infections, you may have had a number of exams and procedures that would have been intrusive to your child’s body, as well as your innocent mind. Keep in mind that everyone is different, so while one woman may have experienced this and felt very traumatized by it, another may have had no lingering difficulties with it. But if you had a number of medical experiences that were frightening, and even involved vaginal penetration, it could be a factor in not being fully able to enjoy or desire sex when you are an adult. Its as if the body remembers, even if you don’t make the connection.
COERCIVE FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCES
I am amazed at how many women tell me that their loss of virginity came under tremendous verbal pressure by the boyfriends they loved. They tell me they heard things like: “If you truly loved me, you would have sex with me” or “If you won’t give it to me, I’ll get it somewhere else.” For a teenage girl madly in love with her boyfriend, this kind of emotional blackmail is hard to stand up to – especially when its done repeatedly over time.
NEGATIVE PREGNANCY OUTCOMES
If the pregnancy was a long yearned for experience, and it ended in miscarriage, a woman (or man) may be traumatized by this – especially if they see a lot of blood, or the actual fetus or baby. An unplanned pregnancy, with the decision to have an abortion can also be very difficult for a woman to handle emotionally. And sometimes, the decision to have an abortion is also coerced by a girl’s parents, or her boyfriend. There can be lingering loss, unresolved grief, feelings of failure, fears of another unwanted pregnancy, fear of never being able to carry a child to term, guilt, shame and anger that can arise even years later during a healthy relationship or marriage, and interfere with sexual functioning.
Recognizing what factors are involved in your low libido is crucial to fixing the problem. If there is trauma, it must be faced and reconciled, so you can truly put it behind you and live a full life now.
