I hear a lot about Facebook these days, and though I don’t have the time to join in, the idea of a Facebook wall inspired this post.
I talk with women daily about the ways they learned about sex. In most cases, they really only learned about reproduction, and were left to figure out how to be sexual on their own. When they did get direct “information” from parents, or schools, or churches, or peers, often they were negative. Sexual shame – the belief that sex is dirty, nasty, or bad is the result of either negative communication or the lack of communication and information about sex at all.
Some examples are:
“All men want is sex, and they will do anything to get it.”
“Women don’t enjoy sex, but they just have to take one for the team to keep a man.”
Having your genitals named “your awful” or “your ugly”
Being punished for touching your genitals as a child, and being told you are a bad girl.
“Don’t act like a slut.”
So I am inviting you to write me about your recollections. I won’t post anything you say unless you give me permission, and then only anonymously. What things do you recall being said that really stuck in your mind in a negative way? What was said that if it hadn’t been, could have saved you from making mistakes or being free to enjoy sexual pleasure with your partner now?
If you choose to share in the Wall of Shame, I think it will be therapeutic for you. If you don’t want to share, think about it on your own. What did you learn about sex? What do you want to throw out, and what do you choose to keep in your life? Becoming aware of what was communicated to you about being a sexual person can help you remove any lingering negativity in the back of your mind about sex. Those negative beliefs can be a major cause of low libido.
If you’d like to do some exercises on your own to conquer your sexual shame, consider reading
