Boost Your Low Libido

One reason that some women lose their sexual desire is that the sex they are having is just not satisfying. Less than fulfilling sex can be defined in many ways: 

*a lack of one or both partner’s achieving orgasm

* intercourse lasting too short or too long

* thinking you are having the “wrong kind” of orgasm

* being unable to focus on the physical sensations or    loving feelings for your partner

*not liking the stimulation you are getting from your partner

*having pain with entry or intercourse

*finding your last interlude with your partner about as interesting as boiled eggs

 While orgasm is a fabulous thing, it does not have to be the only reason to have sex.  Sex can generate a lot of closeness for a couple that extends beyond the actual time in bed.  Lovemaking can make it easier to overlook the little irritations that come with living with someone.  Being intensely goal-oriented about achieving orgasm can interfere with your ability to enjoy the whole event.  Its like thinking about dessert, while you aren’t even tasting the filet mignon!  Most people would say that even if they didn’t get to The Big O, they did have a good bit of pleasure from their tryst.  Consider it connecting and expressing love for your partner.  There is a reason we call it “lovemaking”.   And the cuddling afterwards is so nice, too!

I see a lot of women who have difficulty reaching orgasm most or all of the time.  This can be very frustrating for both you and your partner - leaving him thinking he is not a good lover, and you feeling somehow defective.   Defective is a strong and highly negative word, but it is one I hear repeatedly from my clients with this problem.  This is a painful, but very real reason some women lose their desire.  If it makes you feel bad to do it, what is the point?

Most women can learn to have orgasms - even if they have never had one before.  Adequate - meaning very personalized information about anatomy and sexual functioning can really open doors of fulfillment.  I work with women to identify and overcome any misconceptions or “mental blocks” that may be interfering with their enjoyment.  In fact, I will be offering a 3 - week Teleclass on this subject in February.  (A Teleclass is a class participants take by phone.)

 Some women can have an orgasm alone, but not with their partner.  Or some used to be able to get there with their partner, but seem to have lost that ability.  With these women, I help them determine what stands in the way, looking at the timing of the change or addressing trust or vulnerability issues.  Sex does not occur in a vacuum, and a lot can happen in the course of  a long-term relationship, or just one’s life, that can get you off track.  Fortunately, most women can get back on the road to orgasm with some focused work on it.

 I will address other reasons that sexual “unfulfillment” can lead to a drop in your libido in future blogs.

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